This one is dedicated to all the Aussies in the guild, with love.
Now, as an American, I’m generally expected to be totally self-centered and ignorant of other cultures. However, sometimes my worldliness astonishes even myself. I think you’ll find that by putting on your Frostheim goggles you’ll get a factual and accurate list of reasons why you should hate Aussies:
- They live in a sunny paradise. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they have winters where the temp dips to maybe 65 degrees, or whatever messed up commie metric system they use to measure temperature. But still, sunny paradise. And they all live on the ocean and sip colorful slushy-like alcoholic drinks all day.
- They have accents that are irresistibly alluring to the opposite sex. Seriously, they can just read the phone book and get so much barely legal poontang that they can’t walk straight.
- In my mind at least, they are all tanned, muscled hunks of man flesh. Except the girl ones. My roommate confirmed that that’s what they look like in her mind too. This combos unfairly with #2.
- They have koala bears, which are the most adorable creatures on the planet. And all aussies keep them as household pets. Best of all you can find them adorable and still be manly, ’cause, you know, they’re bears.
- To contrast the koalas, they have the most poisonous… well, everything, on the planet. And they’re blase about it. The world’s most deadly giant snake is in their closet and they just wrestle it out of their house in some life-or-death gladiatorial combat and throw it out their front door into the vast eden that is their lawn. Just another day. This also combos with #2.
- Surfer chicks. ‘Nuff said.
- We have a lot of aussies in my guild, and to a man (or woman) they’re all badass gamers. Seriously, it’s crazy. You’d expect the overweight, pasty-skinned americans lurking in their basements would at least win out on the wow-skills, but no. In what world is it fair for them to be sitting on their sunny beach-side porch like some bronzed greek god, sipping mai-tais and being massaged by several bikini-clad surfer chicks and still be badass at wow? Is there no justice in this world? Clearly not, my friends.
- Did I mention the koalas? They’re so cute I could just squeeze them til their heads pop off!
You forgot Drop Bears. These deserve to be on the list as well. Nothing cooler than bears who live in trees and attack young, nubile women for their alcohol.
ok guys, y’all miss the boat entirely! There is a MUCH better reason to hate the Aussies. I was the starting fullback for my high school football team (which in hindsight was a very small school so merely having legs may have qualified me for the job) but nonetheless, it gives one a grandly inflated self-image of being a rough, head-knocking badass. Yeah. Until you get to college and befriend a bunch of outrageous Aussies who invite you out for some Aussie Rules Football (note: “Aussie Rules”, I discovered, means no rules whatsoever). About ten minutes into the game I realized that every player on the field save me popped their enrage timers and became Big Red Maniacs bent on advancing the ball through a series of orchestrated traumas, and loving every minute of it. To their credit, I must admit, they were quick to pull me out of the mud and dust off the fresh cleat-marks in the back of my skull with a cheery smile and a slap on the back. Were it not for the concussion, or the copious beer that followed every game, I’d probably remember more to share, but its all true. Fair dinkum.
You’re right — I hate Australians too, now can you shuffle a little to the left, you’re blocking my sun, these muscled hunks of man flesh won’t bronze in your shade.
yeah:D i hate them too.. darn Aussies and their actors and their pearls and their words like G’day and such!! Why must they be so irresitable!! why oh why? !!
No!!!! Why do you all hate me so!
IM GETTING A BEAR PET AND YOU GUYS CAN’T STOP ME.
Amen!
We used to run Kara with a predominently Aussie guild, and when they’d get in vent, well, *fans self*
It’d make all us kick-ass WoW chicks suddenly melt in to giggling pools of girly girl-ness. It was like a vent drug or something!
Good one Myr, but you of all people should realize what happens once an Aussie gets TOO bronzed TOO skilled and TOO many admirers of the opposite sex. We kidnap them and bring them to America!
What time’s smoko?
Oh, and they have Vegemite. yum!
Dear God. An American that likes Vegemite! Good to see you’ve seen the light sir
While you are ranting about Aussies, can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do something about the rotten “Australian” accents your actors insist on using on your TV shows? Just hire the real thing. There are enough of us over there!
I’m jealous that we got started up by a bunch of wussy Puritans while they get to boast that they were started as a penal colony. And they’ve got Uluru to boot, dammit. Maybe we should steal it from them.
I hate em too but that comes naturally cause I’m a Kiwi and us Kiwi’s well we hate aussies (kiwi aka New zealander)
Ahh they aren’t all big and muscles.. us kiwis put up a good fight in the muscle department, look at our rugby team… lol
ahh they are good peole the aussies, i can’t stay mad at em for too long…
lol for some reason our brit accents have that same affect on women (seriously i knew i guy once he spilit up a lesbian couple and then has sex with both at the same time) but we have 50% rain coverage and no cute animals on bikini clad women
Agreeing with Hrsit, mate, ya forgot the damn Drop Bears!!! They’re Koala’s only…. evil
Being an Aussie, well, i have to say you are a pretty jealous guy, but why wouldn’t ya be? WE ROCK!
AUZIE!! AUZIE!! AUZIE!!
@ Eddras…
Only Brit accents such as the James Bond “queens english” i assume you mean…? where i am from (down Zummerzet or Somerset for all youz guys that don’t know what i mean) then i cannot see how the devil us farmers could pull a rotten tooth from a dead horse with our accent!
ooh Aarrr! Drink up thee Zider! (You Tube “The Wurzels” if you do not know what i mean!)
Haha, we don’t have koalas as pets ay, i think its illegal?
lol,
i agree with two other comments ,u forgot the drop bears.
don’t hate us though, (:
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahah………………okay you get the point your funny cause your pretty fricken stupid. If you tried to tan an aussie theyd probably die from skin cancer on the spot. the lowest it gets over here is about 32 degrees farenhight (not an ameriacan, cant spell that) and lucky me thats where i live. Koalas are pretty ugly if you ask me and you get really bored with em.
AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE!
By the way we hate americans. We act like we love you but were secretly thinking ‘I wanna run over these assholes with me jackeroo.
Dear CoCo,
We at Hate Inc. are always an the lookout for new talent in the areas of FAIL and would like to make you a job offer due to the following:
-Unable to recognize sarcasm
-Unable to understand humor
-Unable to realize that parts of America also never get lower than (or even as low as) 0 degrees Celsius (not an Aussie but can spell) so we might realize how climate structures work
As a signing bonus, please accept this shiny golden belt to wear with your new suit!
==[FAIL]==
Best Regards,
Hrist
agh! koalas aren’t bears! they’re marsupials! Australia doesnt have any bears!
all the rest is true though…
Hi there
I lived in Aus for two years so let me add some cooments:
1. They are by far the biggest racists – check out Cronulla riots.
2. Lazy as hell
3. Intelectually challenged
4. Lie better than most cultures – must be that historical past (genetic)
5. Spoilt rotten
Overall – not worth much
MATE ur stupid and racist. 1 i am australian and i think the metric system is so much easy than the other 1. ur a dick!!! and i hate americans there showoffs all day every day. U americans are dumshits!!!! and michael ur an arse!!!!!!!!!
and mate why wood we keep koalas as [pets and y dont u get a cute animal in ur country. AND i hate the american accent ur like (herlo!!!!).
I have to say I am completely baffled that this post somehow turned into intolerant racist slurs. However, if it’s what you guys want I am happy to join you on the intolerance bandwagon
Henceforth personal or cultural attacks will not be tolerated and will result in deletion and IP banning. (Woo – you guys are right, this is fun!)
i got to hang out with some really cool Aussies in Tasmania, about 15 years back… did you know they can have ALCOHOL on their warships?! how cool is that! we only get cola in the US military… >.<
not to mention, they had great beer too (go VB) much better than our watered down American pilsners, ugh, gag, ick! (did i mention about the alcohol…)
Eh, one of the reasons Aussies (and by extension, Kiwis, and anyone really in Oceania) get to be good players is cause we have to deal with the horrific latency that occurs due to our locality.
So we get good at predicting events to proact rather than react. =)
My raiding guild had a slogan “Oceanic Raiders: We do it one second behind everyone else”
How did I miss this forever?
You also missed salt water crocodiles, which are like alligators… but you know… manly…
http://www.outbackwildliferescue.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&catid=43%3Areptiles&id=67%3Asaltwater-crocodile&Itemid=67
We eat them…
BTW, you did read the third last line on that page right… Our schoolteachers are bad-arse!
Lol nice post
^_^
OK…. t\your just being steriotypical.. ive lived in australia most my life (born in nz) and i know from living here for like 12 years that the only aussies with the accent are those god damn farmers in the outback or w/e their like “mate! MATE! MATE! MATE!!!!” and australia is a nice country dont be hatin lol isnt that how u americans speak u kno what im sayin homie g
What a Wally. You didn’t have to say you were an American, it was an easy guess.
Well technically Koalas aren’t actually bears at all. They’re a different species and are no way related to bears.
To quote a good song by Don Spencer
“So please don’t call me a koala bear,
‘Cos I’m not a bear at all!”
And so on and so forth.
I’m an Australian, and i’m probably the most pale person on the Earth. I think it might have something to do with the fact that all of our ancestors were convicts from England, so now quite a lot of the population are pasty…not nice, especially in the Summer when everyone walks around looking like lobsters.
The only time i’ve ever seen a Koala was while i was visiting the Melbourne Zoo, or on those shitty school camps they used to take us on when i was a kid…we’d go into the middle of nowhere and see Koalas in the trees. Apparently most of them get chlamydia. Unfortunately, we can’t keep them as pets. And we don’t ride kangaroos to school.
I think Australians have the worst accents ever. Seriously, have you ever noticed how stupid we sound? I think it’s quite embarrassing to be watching a movie/tv show with an Aussie and an American, because they American sounds really intelligent and sophisticated (unless they’re from Texas, no offence), and the Australian sounds like a dumb ‘bogan’ with an IQ of about three.
But overall, Australia is a pretty cool place.
haha Comparatively speaking, only a very small number of people were sent to Australia as convicts – the rest voluntarily settled in Australia – so we’re not really a nation of convicts.
But as usual the small minority of racist Australians (such as those who were involved in the Cronulla riots 5 years ago) give the rest of the nation a bad name. If you do your research, there was an anti-racism rally (attended by several thousand people) held in Melbourne in response to the Cronulla incidents. We are a very tolerant, friendly bunch of people who greatly value the cultural diversity that we’re lucky to have here.
We’re also a world leader in education as well as healthcare and scientific research (recently the H1N1/Swine Flu vaccine – Panvax – which is used worldwide, was developed here in Australia). Don’t listen to michael, who can’t even spell “comments” or “intellectually”. Australia is a great country full of (mostly) great people
you forgot they also have kangaroo’s
Gotta watch out for those drop bears… A bit of vegemite behind the ears never goes astray in drop bear country (for those who wouldn’t know; vegemite is a make-shift repellent for drop bears if you haven’t brought any regular repellent with you. It’s not overly pleasant, but it does the job.)
“This one is dedicated to all the Aussies in the guild, with love.”
Notice the “with love” part. I’m as suprised as you people were offended by this.
Frost ftw!
Yeah, im an Australian too, I loved this thread thought it was funny as hell. And the vent thing is definately true, I used to play on an American server and i remember actually being forced by the females of the guild to read the phonebook to them because of how sexy my accent allegedly is. I thought it was rather perplexing – too any other australian, i sound like a dumb-arse stoner who slurs his words to often, but to Americans, i might aswell be Fabio, gotta love it.
And to the users who took this thread seriously and decided this as a good place to preach hatred – grow up and get a life, he was clearly joking.
Ooh and btw – the southern end of our nation gets VERY cold – something to do with our close proximity to Penguin land (aka Antartica).
As usual a small number of half witted morons hijack the conversation and steer it into the foggy wilderness of dickheadsville. SIGH. Aussie is great, but so is everywhere else. People are nice except for the idiots. Foods good except when its not. ITS the freakin same as anywhere else, apart from a few cultural idiosyncrasies.Im a aussie, Ive lived overseas for more than ten years, and while i love Oz, it does have its sucky bits. EG. uneducated fools,a reliance on alcohol to replace wit and the fact its next to new zealand.
G’Day to all,
I laughed my head off when I first read this……very funny and ammusing. I live in a place called Sunshine Coast, Queensland, which is about an hours drive north of Brisbane. I also live about 350 meters from the Pacific Ocean and in my opinion it is paradise ( I would have posted a picture on our beach but I don’t know how to do it hehe). Im sure you blokes have a heap of places over in the US which is just as nice as here and I do plan on visiting someday as you should visit here as well. So if any of you lovely American girls wanna have a chat, by all means look me up on the Nagrand server and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have hehe. As for the tools that took this post seriously, “Harden the F&^% up” ( sorry if I have offended any of you lovely American girls there). Oh did I mention that I think you Lovely American Girls are great?
Wow.
It isn’t enough to play your hunter at the outstanding level that you do. It isn’t enough that you provide our community with excellent information, advice, insight, and a place for friendly discussion. It isn’t enough to be so uncommonly good looking…..
No. On top of all these things, you make me laugh out loud more than any single source of entertainment I partake in. =)
You’ve got a great, engaging writing style. Even the short entries about your roommate, while you were camping, were well worth stopping by for.
So; thank you. My daily trip to WHU is one of the points of my day that I always look forward to.
I’d just like to add, for anyone who has missed the whole other side, that Aussie chicks in vent have equally melt-y effects on the male population, and deserve a little hatin’ on as well! *wink*
Now, if only more people could bring such a healthy sense of humor to their day, the world would be a better place.
Well… except Australia, which obviously couldn’t get much better….
Good hunting to you!
Hmm, you could put Southern California on the same list except we don’t have Koalas or poisonous critters outside of zoos.
You forgot to add that females outnumber males 2:1 in Aussie land. Which makes the fact they come to America to swoop up our ladies even more unfair.
You got it wrong, all the cool Aussies have emu’s for pets. Koala’s are for the weak. We also ride these emu’s to work/shool/where ever we want because they look badass. http://img68.imageshack.us/i/emu.jpg/
Queensland weather says “what is the sun”. Cool post Frost, I got a laugh from it and a shout out to all the people affected by floods/cyclones we are thinking of you.