Elves are Hazardous to Your Health (if you’re a healer)

So a little after patch 3.0 I found myself with a bunch of level 65 pets that needed leveling. So I hopped into /guild chat and lfg’d for any old instance to get some xp for the pet of the hour. I found a couple people willing to hit Slave Pens, and we just needed some kind of tank. I asked Hrist, whom I’ve mentioned before, and she agreed.

Now there’s one thing I neglected to mention about Hrist. She’s an elf.

I know, I know. I just try so hard to ignore the fact that she’s an elf, but it’s like trying to ignore a family of miniature rabid squirrels burrowing into my nutsack. Which is to say, it’s difficult to ignore.

Slave Pens was an example. Hrist proceeded to carve out the standard, most economical path through the instance, skipping every mob cluster that could be skipped. In short order we were done, and Nibbles had picked up a level. But to my thinking, there was at least another level worth of mobs left.

Now, when we finished all of our hearthstones were on cooldown, so we had the unique experience of manually running out of the instance. I tossed on Aspect of the Pack to help the others out, and then proceeded to run past mob after mob, all sitting there like juicy xp-burgers. I swear I could hear Nibbles whimpering and salivating.

This is about when Hrist decided to deliberately try to kill our healer.

Oh yeah, you heard that right. Dirty elf. As we were nearing the instance entrance an idea suddenly occurred to me. Hrist was a bit ahead of me, so I targeted her, hit Misdirect, and then let loose a multi-shot at a nearby pack of Bogstoks. They peeled after her.

But she just kept running and running. I dropped Aspect of the Pack, but the bostroks weren’t gaining much – it was a race to the entrance. But then Hrist decided to demonstrate some of the changes to the night elf pansy racial and shadowmelded, breaking out of combat. Naturally the bostroks turned and charged me. Well I was just shocked, what was our no good granola-eating tank doing, shirking her duty? Obviously I feigned death, and BAM, they all turned to the healer.

The poor healer ran and ran for the instance entrance, and Hrist had the nerve to whisper me and ask “So how many people do you think you’ll get killed?”

Indeed!

As if this was anything other than pure elven malice! I sent Nibbles out to rescue the healer, all big red pet fury, and proceeded to shoot and trap and wingclip and jumpshot. All the while tree-humping elf just sat there and hid. Finally I and the other dps killed them all, sparing the poor healer a gruesome chittering death.

Thank god I was there to save her from the elf.